Totally Random

As I was sitting outside on my front porch watching Matt and Amélie play in the leaves I remembered long, long ago playing in the leaves with my brother.  We built forts in the leaf piles and ate tins of my grandpa’s leftover Korean War rations.  They were old and incredibly disgusting (were they ever disgusting), but we sure had a lot of fun.

Tonight we’re skipping house church because we need to be a family.  The last few weeks have been crazy, so I’m headed to the store to buy incredibly unhealthy processed hot dogs so we can cook them over a fire in our backyard.  Then, we’re going to carve our pumpkins and roast pumpkin seeds. 

Jack cut his second tooth today.

 Last night at church Jack giggled during the prayer.  I think baby giggles are the best prayer of all.

Amélie is obsessed with signs.  As we were sitting in the parking lot of a store the other day waiting for Matt to come out, she asked me, ”What does ‘c-r-i-m-i-n-a-l-s-b-e-w-a-r-e-g-u-n-s-w-e-l-c-o-m-e-h-e-r-e’ spell?”  Try explaining that to a 4-year-old.  Thankfully I could see the sign so I knew what she was asking me.  It’s much harder when she sees a sign I don’t see while we’re driving that she wants me to figure out.  I’m not always really good at reading run-together letters.  The gun sign led her a day or so later to draw a picture of a gun with a line through it and then she had me write, “No squirting water guns in rooms because they might point them at Amélie or Jack and it’s dangerous to point them at babies.  No people squirting water guns at Amélie’s house.  Next time leave your water gun in the car.”  Our home is sporting another sign that reads, “No putting people in boxes in Amélie’s room because it is not safe.”  Sometimes she likes to write her own signs, and then we shorten them.  Today she told Matt some really long thing she was wanting to write about the dogs, but she ended up just writing, “No dogs.”  Much easier.  She likes to help me write my grocery lists, too, which is rather interesting. 

Matt and I tried to go out on our first date since Jack was born.  We couldn’t stray far, since Jack won’t take a bottle (still), but we did go out at our little Mexican restaurant in town.  I had a steak quesadilla and a whopper of a margarita before my friend called and said that Jack was crying.  Apparently he can’t live without us.  Oh well.  It was nice to have an uninterrupted conversation for almost 1 1/2 hours. 

Amélie is going to be a bride for Halloween.  Jack is wearing an orange thermal sleeper that says “boo” in the front and “trick or treat” on the bottom.  I’m hoping for no tricks.

I’m reading Well-Behaved Women Seldom Make History by Laurel Thatcher Ulrich.  It’s a rather interesting companion to another book I’m reading, Men and Women in the Church by Sarah Sumner. 

Our house has become the neighborhood kid hub.  It’s kind of fun but very…NOISY.  Earlier I went upstairs and saw Amélie’s panties all over the floor.  I was immediately concerned, because she had spent the afternoon playing with three other boys, two of whom I didn’t know that well.  She told me that she had thought that Jack (neighbor) would like to see her pretty underwear.  When I asked her what Jack said, she said, “he runned away.”  So then I had to explain how we just don’t show our underwear to other people.  The girl’s got a lot to learn.

I’ll write something perhaps a bit more profound soon, I hope.  Right now one of those neighborhood kids is playing our keyboard at an ear-shattering, brain-numbing rate. 

Published in:  on October 28, 2007 at 5:28 pm Comments (7)

Perspective

Last night I dumped Jack out of his car seat and onto his head.  Don’t ask me how it happened, because I don’t really know.  All I know is that one moment I was holding the car seat and telling Matt that I was going to take my sleeping, bundled baby boy upstairs, and the next minute I was watching in horror as he flipped out onto the floor. 

I worry so much about…stuff.
Bills
What people are thinking of me
Clutter
Things I think I “need”
Status
My list of things to do

But last night, as I sat and rocked my crying son, nothing else mattered.  As I cradled him in my arms, kissing the top of his fuzzy head and whispering to him, “I’m so sorry.  Oh, I’m so, so sorry” over and over, all that mattered was that he was OK.  My house could have burned to ashes around me.  A thief could have walked through my front door, stuffed everything I owned into trash bags, and walked right back out.  I would have gladly given up my degree or  poured out my savings account–all for one breath of reassurance to my overactive imagination that he wasn’t going to die or be brain damaged or grow up to resent me for the permanent knot deforming his otherwise perfect little head. 

As I sat there with my heart all tangled up with sadness and guilt and worry, my priorities untangled themselves.  There is an awful lot of big stuff in this world to worry about.  But there’s a lot of little stuff, too, that’s not worth my energy.

I’ll probably forget this resolve tomorrow, but for today, I’m going to spend some extra time kissing on my little boy, wrapping my arms around my little girl, and listening, really listening, to Matt.  I’m going to pray more and fret less.  Listen more and talk less.  Play more and work less.  Hope more and worry less.  Risk more and fear less.  And love more, more, more. 

Published in:  on October 19, 2007 at 9:42 am Comments (7)

Go Green

I’ve been thinking a lot about environmental issues lately.  It’s sort of a soapbox issue for me, so I’ll try not to be all soap boxy about it, but I want to share a few facts and ask you what you’re doing for some ideas. 

One morning on NPR I heard that we throw away 2 million bottles an hour.

an hour!!!

That’s horrible.  Here are some other facts:

Plastic
If we recycled every plastic bottle we used, we would keep 2 billion tons of plastic out of landfills.
We use enough plastic wrap to wrap all of Texas every year.

Aluminum
Recycling one aluminum can saves enough energy to run a TV for three hours — or the equivalent of a half a gallon of gasoline.
An aluminum can that is thrown away will still be a can 500 years from now!

Paper
To produce each week’s Sunday newspapers, 500,000 trees must be cut down.
The average American uses seven trees a year in paper, wood, and other products made from trees. This amounts to about 2,000,000,000 trees per year!
Approximately 1 billion trees worth of paper are thrown away every year in the U.S.

Glass
A modern glass bottle would take 4000 years or more to decompose — and even longer if it’s in the landfill.
The energy saved from recycling one glass bottle can run a 100-watt light bulb for four hours. It also causes 20% less air pollution and 50% less water pollution than when a new bottle is made from raw materials.

The U.S. is the #1 trash-producing country in the world at 1,609 pounds per person per year. This means that 5% of the world’s people generate 40% of the world’s waste.

(These stats were copied from http://members.aol.com/ramola15/funfacts.html and http://www.earth911.org).

So what do you do to help out the environment?  I’m always looking for new ideas.  Here’s what we do in our household:

  • Recycle plastic, aluminum, cardboard, glass, newspaper, and paper.
  • Compost
  • Bring bags to the grocery store (I have really cool ones that roll up so I can fit them in my purse/diaper bag.)
  • Cover Jack’s bum in Fuzzi Bunz.  I love these diapers.  My good friend Rachel let me borrow her size smalls, and a few weeks ago I went a little color crazy and bought mediums in periwinkle, aqua, baby blue, butter yellow, red, orange, yellow, blue, sage, green, turqoise, and white diapers to wrap up his cute little bottom.  Lest you look at the price of each diaper and turn up your nose at the cost, keep in mind that these diapers will fit Jack for at least another year. 
  • Hang out my clothes to dry.
  • Buy as much as possible from the farmer’s market.  This is difficult, because our farmer’s market isn’t very good, but I at least bought what I could.  One family who sells produce there also sells eggs (for only $1/dozen!!), and Amélie actually can actually tell the difference.  She doesn’t like grocery store eggs anymore.
  • Drive fuel-efficient vehicles.  Our car gets about 27 mpg, which is pretty good, and when Matt can he drives his motorcycle to work.  Of course, when he’s not driving his motorcycle, he’s driving his gas-guzzling Jeep, but hey…ya do what you can.

    Here’s where I want to improve:

  • Walk more.  Theoretically, I could walk to the store.  It’s kind of hard to do, though, with a baby and preschooler.  I’m pretty sure our frozen items would be mush by the time we got home.  Sometimes we walk to the library, but again, I could do better.
  • Use cloth wipes.  I’m already using the cloth diapers, so there’s really no reason why I can’t get some cloth wipes and throw them in the diaper pail.  Anyone have any good ideas about what to use? 
  • Use more energy efficient light bulbs. 
  • Eat more locally-grown and organic food.  I wish this option wasn’t so expensive, or I would have hopped on this band wagon long ago.  I need to squeeze more room for this food into my budget (like by cutting out my Diet Dr. Pepper addiction…or maybe not). 

    What else could I be doing?  I’d love some ideas.

 

Published in:  on October 18, 2007 at 11:04 am Comments (7)

Milestones

jack1.JPG

This week, Jack has…

  • turned 5 months old (he’s getting so, so big!)
  • cut his first tooth (that explains the little drooling machine.)
  • slept all night long once (hey, it’s a start.)
  • slept through dinner twice (ahhhhh, peace!  I actually got to savor rather than shovel my food!)
  • continued to melt our hearts with his smiley, cuddly, happy, winsome self.

I think I’m in love….

Published in:  on October 12, 2007 at 9:16 am Comments (7)

Football and me

(Hey–does anyone know how to make the font in WordPress bigger?  I have good eyes, but even I’m squinting!) 

What a bad, bad weekend for KSU football fans.  After last week’s impressive win over Texas, I was convinced that we were a shoo-in to win the Sunflower Showdown against the KU Jayhawks.  But we lost.  It was tragic.  It was a travesty.  I will never, ever be able to go back home to Kansas City, because my dad and brother will forever look at me and gloat.  As I was pondering our loss yesterday afternoon, I started discovering some metaphoric comparisons between me and football.  Now this is dangerous.  I’m treading on ground about which I know very little.  I understand the basics of the game, but words like “play action” and “special teams” are to me like another language.  Forgive me, then, if I blow this metaphor entirely. 

I was thinking about the KSU game, and two observations about that game stood out to me.  First of all, I don’t think the Wildcats played as aggresively as they should have.  There was that 4th and 1 in the fourth quarter that I think they should have gone for, but instead they punted the ball away.  I didn’t see many big plays, either.  When the outcome started to look a little bleak, I think they should have stuck a receiver way down the field and tried for some impressive yards.  Maybe the receiver would have dropped the ball, or maybe some ugly red and blue guy might have picked it off.  But maybe not….  Second, Matt and I noticed this look of hopeless discouragement in Freeman’s eyes.  At this point the game was still up for grabs.  We hadn’t been playing great, but we hadn’t lost yet.  However, that look in his eyes told me that the game was, in fact, over.  There was no way we were going to win when the guy who was supposed to be leading his team had already given up.  I almost called my dad right then with my prepared concession speech.

So here’s my comparison.  A couple of weeks ago I wrote this middle-of-the-night blog entry confessing my dream, my vision, to become a writer.  I was suited up.  I was doing that jump up and down thing that football players do right before the game to get themselves good and psyched.  I took my position on the field.  And then I froze.  I let the play clock wind down and was penalized with a delay of game.  Five yards back, I grasped the football with determination and hunched down in position again.  Again I froze.  Again the play clock wound down and I was sent another five yards back.  And another.  And another.  And another.  Until now I’m stuck all the way back in the end zone, and it’s not because I’ve scored a touch down.  Now what?  I feel as ludicrous about that dream as I would have if Coach Prince would have suited me up in a Wildcat uniform and sent me in to play quarterback.  Now I have that same look Freeman had in his eyes: discouragement.  What do I think I’m doing?  I’m standing here, wearing a uniform that’s way too big for me, and I have no idea what to do with the football that is in my hands.  I want to have the vision to look down the field and make the big play, but my eyes are glued to the muddy turf in front of me.  Perhaps that’s my problem.  Maybe I should plow ahead one yard at a time rather than throwing the ball all the way down the field.  Games are won that way, too, right?  Even if I just make it a couple of yards and then plow ahead into a wall of blockers, I can get up and try again, can’t I?  The next play just might get me to that first down.  And if not…I guess I can just punt the ball and start again. 

Published in:  on October 8, 2007 at 9:44 am Comments (8)

24 hours

Heartbreak
is watching my daughter sit in front of the door looking through a stack of books while waiting for the neighbor boy, who promised to return, but who never came back to play.

Frustration
is coming home from someplace and venting by polishing off the leftover pizza.

Restraint
is not devouring the queso next.

Love
is having a heart-to-heart discussion with Matt regarding something we both feel deeply and passionately about.

Exhaustion
is getting up at 5:00 to get ready and make a Crock Pot gumbo before the craziness of my day begins.

Disappointment
is noticing that the rice in that gumbo is a little mushy.

Discouragement
is eyeing my daunting things-to-do list.

Irritation
is tripping over the exersaucer, bike, scooter, bouncy seat, swing, and other miscellaneous toys.

Anger
just is.  It’s been bubbling up a lot lately, but I’m not sure I can pinpoint its impetus.

Shame
is dangling off the end of my rope, letting go, and then throwing a temper tantrum worthy of a 3-year-old.

Forgiveness
is my daughter’s arms around me.

Fear
is feeling my heart flop inside my chest like a grounded fish.

Happiness
is snuggling on the bed with Amélie and Jack, listening to them giggle.

Invigorating
is taking a 1 1/2 hour walk around the lake with a friend on a beautiful morning.

Sore
are my muscles.

Excitement
is the anticipation of a wonderful friend’s visit next week.

Worried
am I about another friend.

Peace
is rocking my baby son in my arms.

Bliss
is bending down to sniff and kiss the top of his head.

Satisfaction
is discovering that my gumbo didn’t turn out so bad after all.

“Hope
springs eternal once in awhile” (from Mark Heard’s “Another Day in Limbo”)

but oh so

Tired
am I.

Published in:  on October 1, 2007 at 4:58 pm Comments (7)