Perspective

Last night I dumped Jack out of his car seat and onto his head.  Don’t ask me how it happened, because I don’t really know.  All I know is that one moment I was holding the car seat and telling Matt that I was going to take my sleeping, bundled baby boy upstairs, and the next minute I was watching in horror as he flipped out onto the floor. 

I worry so much about…stuff.
Bills
What people are thinking of me
Clutter
Things I think I “need”
Status
My list of things to do

But last night, as I sat and rocked my crying son, nothing else mattered.  As I cradled him in my arms, kissing the top of his fuzzy head and whispering to him, “I’m so sorry.  Oh, I’m so, so sorry” over and over, all that mattered was that he was OK.  My house could have burned to ashes around me.  A thief could have walked through my front door, stuffed everything I owned into trash bags, and walked right back out.  I would have gladly given up my degree or  poured out my savings account–all for one breath of reassurance to my overactive imagination that he wasn’t going to die or be brain damaged or grow up to resent me for the permanent knot deforming his otherwise perfect little head. 

As I sat there with my heart all tangled up with sadness and guilt and worry, my priorities untangled themselves.  There is an awful lot of big stuff in this world to worry about.  But there’s a lot of little stuff, too, that’s not worth my energy.

I’ll probably forget this resolve tomorrow, but for today, I’m going to spend some extra time kissing on my little boy, wrapping my arms around my little girl, and listening, really listening, to Matt.  I’m going to pray more and fret less.  Listen more and talk less.  Play more and work less.  Hope more and worry less.  Risk more and fear less.  And love more, more, more. 

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7 responses to this post.

  1. Posted by chill24 on October 20, 2007 at 9:55 pm

    😦 been there. nothing like a jolt to wake us to what really matters.
    thanks for posting this – i’ll love on my kids some more before i do something (again) to make me realize i need to be loving on them more. (hubby too)

    Reply

  2. Posted by karmenl on October 21, 2007 at 6:25 pm

    I’m so sorry. That hurts….not just little Jack, but you, too. We need to have coffee soon. Boys are out of school all week. Maybe I should have some of us out to our house this week???

    Reply

  3. i was just wondering how your heart is by now and i see this post.
    aw. i remember doing things like that. so sorry.

    in case the resolve is wearing off, visit psalm 91. i’m with you and that whole chapter these days.

    Reply

  4. ps)hopefully someone will tell me if Karmen makes good on her comment.

    Reply

  5. Posted by karmenl on October 22, 2007 at 12:33 pm

    Are you game MP?

    Reply

  6. I know I’m game, Karmen (well, depends on the day….).

    Melanie, if you read this, welcome back! I started an email response to your last email, but then thought, “Oh, I have plenty of time b/c she’s in China!” and obviously I never got it sent. Perhaps today? 🙂

    Reply

  7. HEY! Happy Anniversary yesterday! Can you believe it’s been 14 years???

    Give Jack Jack and extra kiss from me…oh make it 7 extras, one from each of us. Hope he’s doing all right now. Hope you are, too.

    Becki

    Reply

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