a little bit of this…a little bit of that…

It’s been way too long since my last confession..errr…blog entry.  I don’t know what’s been up with me.  I’ve sort of felt like a creative wasteland lately.  I’ll start blog entries in my head, but then I won’t finish them.  I’ll think of topics to write about, but then I get distracted by things like a diabetic dog who has to pee NOW or a kindergartner who needs to do her homework NOW or a little boy who needs a snack NOW.  Amazing how that works.  I’m sneaking in this moment while the dogs are snoozing on the dog bed, while Amélie is doing something in the bathroom, and while Jack is–I have no idea what Jack is doing.  I’m going to ignore that instinct telling me to go peek at him and just write anyway.

So here’s what’s been going on with me:

I have a birth coming up.  Soon.  I’m so excited (and nervous, too, of course.  I wouldn’t be Jill if I didn’t inject into every activity I perform or plan a shot of worry or anxiety).  I am as prepared as I can be for something that’s so completely unpredictable.  I have my hospital bag packed, my list of various laboring/birthing positions printed off, and now I just obsessively check my phone every 3 seconds (and then freak out when, at 2:00 in the morning, I realize that my phone’s battery has died and, until I get it plugged in and turned back on, am tortured with images of my client frantically and angrily trying to get ahold of me).  I just feel so excited and honored to be invited to partake in the miracle of birth, and I’m hoping and praying for a wonderful birth experience for my client (and friend). 

We are adjusting quite easily to life here in KC.  In fact, we are acclimating ourselves remarkably well to this fine city.  I haven’t lived in this area for 15 years, and I’m surprised at how my restless soul has settled into this place.  It feels like home.  We have friends…family…art museums…the Plaza.  What more could a girl want? 

I think the other reason I haven’t been saying much on my blog is b/c I’ve been so flippin’ angry lately.  The more I learn about pregnancy, labor, and birth, the more I am frustrated and saddened at how women are often blinded by the glaring lights of the men in white coats who control what was created to be a natural, beautiful event.  Don’t get me wrong, I know that doctors and hospitals come in handy during high-risk pregnancies and labors, but since our country is ranked 40th in maternal and infant deaths, there is something we are doing wrong.  Perhaps that something is that we have made birth a sterile event rather than a miracle. 

Don’t get me started. 

Don’t get me started on politics, either.  I know my audience (all 10 of you) has varying political views, so I’m trying to bite my tongue.   I’ve released a bit of that spitfire onto Facebook, but I’m trying to be sweet and nice here.  (But if you really want to know how I feel, check out the Anne Lamott article I posted on my Facebook account.)  😉  Here’s something funny, though.  This morning I was stewing about the election and trying  to think of this Anne Lamott quote that I just knew would affirm the anger I was feeling.  I found this one:  “I don’t hate anyone right now, not even George W. Bush. This may seem an impossibility, but it is true, and indicates the presence of grace, or dementia, or both.” But that wasn’t it.  My Anne Lamott books are buried in one (or several) of the 40+ boxes of books in my garage, and I just didn’t want to go look this afternoon (I am much too comfortably perched on my couch at the moment).  So I did a little digging on the Internet, and I found the quote I was looking for.  Um, it wasn’t quite what I thought I was looking for…..

“You can safely assume that you’ve created God in your own image when it turns out that God hates all the same people you do.”

Oops.  Touché.  I guess God is trying to tell me something. 

But I must not be listening too hard.  I just stomped out to my garage, determined to find Lamott’s Plan B.  I unearthed Virginia Woolf, Edit Wharton, and Don DeLillo, but not the book I wanted.  The only Lamott book I found was Traveling Mercies, and while that is an excellent book, it does not contain Plan B‘s political zingers. 

(I’ve got to get these books out of the garage.  I may need a quote from Lamott or Elliot or DeLillo at any given moment in any given day.) 

Anyway…I really must go.  Let me just leave you with a Bono quote I lifted off of my Sojomail:

It’s extraordinary to me that the United States can find $700 billion to save Wall Street and the entire G8 can’t find $25 billion dollars to save 25,000 children who die every day from preventable diseases.



3 responses to this post.

  1. Posted by lindsey on September 26, 2008 at 9:51 pm

    I love reading your thoughts, Jill. And, quite honestly, I like it when you “get started” as in, “don’t get me started.” FWIW (For what it’s worth!!!)!


  2. I’m glad to hear you are feeling so settled in the KC area, although we were sad to see you go. What a nice feeling!

    Isn’t part of the higher infant mortality rate in the US due to our increased rate of multiple births from fertility treatments (multiples being much more likely to be preterm and/or low weight)? I have also heard that the US record keeping guidelines are more stringent, so more infant deaths get recorded as such. However, I’m not discounting the possibility that there are some practices that are seriously flawed in the way we address child birth in our country.


  3. I had to come back to say… I’m sorry if I sounded argumentative about the birth stuff. I didn’t meant to be that way, because I am actually quite interested in hearing what you have learned about how our practices in the US contribute to the higher mortality rate than other industrialized nations.


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